Artsy Fartsy

Today, I realised what I love.

ARTS

Fine Arts, to be more specific.

I mean, I have always liked sketching and painting but I never really thought about it as my future. Society has taught me that I need to get into something more substantial in order to survive. I need a "real " job. So i grew up trying to fool myself into thinking that i love teaching or being a doctor or a business woman or an anchor woman... well.. basically anything that pays. Honestly, i hate all of them. I do not want to spend the rest of my life confined behind a desk or be subjected to the authority of another. I do not want to go through politics, be it  in school or at work or on the television. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. POLITICS. Politics ruins lives. (<<< understatement of the century)
Whenever people ask me what i want to be when i grow up, my mind always draws a blank. I really DO NOT know! Well... actually.. i do know what i want to do... its just that.. the thing i want to do would not be able to help me support my family. I am not rich, my parents can't support me forever. So i have to suck it in and embrace it.  I'm going to have to decide on what i want to do with my life whether i hate it or love it.
I'm only left with a few months before i have to decide on a major that will determine the next phase of my life.
Thus far, i am considering history and sociology but i'm bending towards history. My dad wants me to be a doctor but i have absolutely no interest in the medical field. Sure the title sounds fancy but... that's just about the end of it.
Ever since i took a module on arts history on a whim, i have never stopped thinking about it. My mind is always full of paintings and colours and emotions embroiled within each stroke of the brush. Painting during a rainy day. Painting when I'm sad and depressed. Painting about everything. Pictures are a big part of my life. I mean, I even use them to help me memorise the technical stuff in school.

I should never have stopped doing what i love. I should have just continued.

I wonder what my parents will say when i eventually tell them this.

 I foresee disappointments.