Oh wow.. exactly how long has it been??
I've been meaning to get back here but I haven't really gotten the time. Either that or I've been too preoccupied with other useless things.
Things hasn't been going well lately.
Well, firstly, things with me and my boyfriend are pretty tight... we have constant quarrels because he's always too busy with other things and i feel like i'm being pushed aside. It feels like he only comes to me when he needs me... but then i need him almost every waking moment. Its just the sight of him brings me so much comfort and joy.. and i don't want that to go away. But school and other commitments is pulling him away from me and i get so sad because I can't make this relationship work alone. Meeting once a week for 3 hours and sometimes once in two weeks isn't enough to keep this going. I need to know that I'm still needed. I need to know that he still wants me. That he still thinks of me whenever i'm not around. It feels like I'm alone in this relationship. But we had a talk and I'm hoping that things will change for the better. I'm giving him way too heavy of a burden so i promised myself to keep a distance because he really has too much on his plate and i don't want to be the one to add more on it. I should be more understanding of his current situation. Maybe getting my life back on track will keep me busy and stop me from upsetting him any further. I love him so much. I have never felt so strongly for anyone before and i really want to make this work. Oh and... i know i shouldn't think too much on it but he has a girl best friend. Every girlfriends' nightmare. I need to trust him but the distance is making me hard to do so. I hardly ever see him... I really should not be insecure about the girl. He says she means nothing to him but i just can't stop myself from becoming so emotional. When i stop doing something, when i close my eyes.. all i see is the two of them, the pictures they took and the fact that she gets to see him everyday while im still stuck with the 'once a week, 3hrs'. Which one sounds like the girlfriend now? me or her? Its so unfair.. whenever i think about it, i'll just start tearing up. I know.. i'm being childish... i need to trust him but sometimes, you can't tell you heart what to do... and mine is breaking into pieces. But like always, i'm going to pick myself up like the strong girl i believe i still am. He's been nothing but sweet to me and i owe it to him to give him my trust and my support. He loves me to bits and i love him back. With god's willing, we'll pull through
Secondly, my dad is being an ass. A big ASS. A grouch...
He keeps bothering me ever since he got back from China and i've tolerated his nonsense but sooner or later i learned to tune out his nonsense.. but unfortunately that made me tune out his voice too. So now, whenever he asks me something, i can't hear it. Well, not literally... i can hear him but my brain doesn't register anything he says .. so on the outside, it would seem like i'm ignoring him. He got upset with me because he thought i was ignoring him and flared up. Calling me a rude girl and that i have absolutely no respect for my elders whatsoever. and that... Pissed me off so bad! I am so sick and tired of his nonsense. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. I really don't want to see him but we're stuck in the same house. Maybe i should head out to study or something. I don't want to have to live with him anymore.
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